Posted by JoniS on October 8, 2007, at 7:57:49
In reply to Sorry-help SO appreciated, posted by muffled on October 7, 2007, at 23:52:07
Muffled,
This has been a great thread. Your last post was very tender and thoughtful. There's serious, and there's humorous, and tenderness.
I think you have gotten some wonderful feedback fromeveryone above. This is when I appreciate Babble so much!
I am proud of how you've done with this. You have explained how difficult and overwhelming this whole issue is to you, and you have stuck with it and made efforts to understand, change, and grow. Wow!
I wish I could do something to help. I often have all the wrong words, meaning well, but stuuuupid.
I think talking about sex is probably the most difficult thing for couples to do. It's also the among the top reasons for divorce. My therapist has helped me, and a couple of books. I have not "arrived" but am continuing to grow up in this area.
One thing that helped me with the pressure my H puts on me is that he visited T. T explained to him how putting pressure (even pressure H doesn't see is pressure) makes things worse. The stuff they worked on was just basic stuff (not too deep or scary) but my H backed off a lot and actually started a new thing where most of the time he asks,like before supper, "Could we go to bed early tonight and make love?" or something like that. This mde it so that I don't go through the week with thougths in the back of mind like "OK, I've held him off this long, but I'm gonna have to give in soon" then I'm just dreading his advances that will come. I feel so much better when I'm not dreading and then feeling guilty so much of the time.
Your T can help you and your H, whenever you are ready.
I am really proud of you!
Joni
poster:JoniS
thread:785464
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070929/msgs/787796.html