Posted by RealMe on September 26, 2007, at 23:28:24
In reply to RE: Therapy and now just sad » RealMe, posted by Daisym on September 26, 2007, at 0:17:36
Emailed my therapist last night, and much to my surprise he responded. I was very surprised as I did not ask for a response. I could not stop crying last night and told him I think I prefer to be alone, and I would be happy going up to the north woods of Minnesota to live in the boundary waters area with the wolves and the black bears and moose and eagles and loons. Of course especaily the loons. LOL. Actually, I am a big wolf person. They are such gorgeous creatures. Humans are the real predators. HUM.
I also told him I don't want him bad mothing my mother, and this is what he responded to that even though my mother did some very hurtfl things to me (and I guess she was pretty emotionally and mentally abuse), he said everyone deserves compassion. Sometimes when I am really hurting, I told him I think to myself, "I want my mommie." This sounds silly to me now because my mother has been dead for 11 years now. She died from a botched colonoscopy. I actually have no immediate family alive anymore, and that should freak me out, but it does not as everyone in my family was abusive toward me in one way or another, my mother, brother, and father. I am not sorry my brother and father are dead, but for some reason it is a mixed bag with my mother as there were times she could be kind and caring too.
Oh crap; I go on too much. I am not sure I want to be in therapy as it is becoming too painful, and yes I feel alone. I can be alone if I don't think about the past, but thinking about the past is way too painful. I want to put it away in a box again and lock the box and never look in it again.
RealMe
poster:RealMe
thread:784784
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070916/msgs/785429.html