Posted by muffled on July 6, 2007, at 0:07:15
In reply to Re: So , thats it., posted by muffled on July 5, 2007, at 23:47:58
So this is regarding self injury, so don't read on if your triggered by such, cuz I kinda a nasty S injurer...:-(
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So really, I am trying to understand my motivations here...
I been really wanting to SI a bad one.
For awhile.
I known for awhile I got to quit T.
I know for awhile she tired of me.
I worried some bout my physical health.
I getting way fat. I always been thin, but no more. Just getting steadily fatter and more tired and in pain.
Its summer and kids around all the time so I don't get much alone time.
I got ALOT to do that I not getting done, and I getting stressed by it.
My inside people are not happy. I have pushed them down as hard as I can. And when someone pops up, I shove em down again.
So I want to punch a wall until
this
is
so
SICKO
but I want
to punch a wall
until
my
hand
breaks.
:-(
Then I can look at it, over and over and feel...???But mebbe it'll make me feel strong? Tough? I can take it?
Yaeh, NOTHING bothers me? I feel NO pain?
F*ck you world?
Its on my mind so much.
I already got arthritis.
I keep thinking its maybe cuz I want to hurt my T?
But I not gonna likely see her again, we rarely cross paths outside of T.
So mebbe I want to punish?
Or just let hurt escape?
I DON'T know.
Wish I did cuz then mebbe I could deal w/it, cuz its REALLY annoying.
That and I keep wanting to drink.
Drinking is death to me.
:-(
I am such a freak.
M
poster:muffled
thread:767992
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070628/msgs/768003.html