Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 13, 2007, at 16:02:37
Okay, I suppose a full description is necessary, but forgive my crappy memory surely more details will be forthcoming. He agreed to take me on as a patient/client/person whatever, and 2x a week, which I suggested to him was probably desirable in keeping my symptoms from building up too much in the pressure cooker.
First of all- smart words regarding the mixed feelings one has after completing an opus. The experience of feeling like a fraud, the uncertainty, the fear of the future. It helped a lot when my words resonated with his, and vice versa.
I spoke about 2 recent family gettogethers, and I was reminded by happyflower's post above how various incidents are replayed in the abuser's mind with some kind of sick glee. Call it sadism? I dunno. He wants to know more details "can you tell about that?" crap. I suppose I MUST. Good social llurpsie says sure, I'll tell, but only in superficial terms, or using episodes that are not quite so ___
An interesting development- he said that I seem to know myself well. (wow!) I think I should give my oTher a lot of credit in that. I read a lot of books about knowing onesself too. And books about human nature. that kind of stuff. I try to let wise words sink in. I guess it shows. hmm. REPEAT AFTER ME, Llurpsie- YOU can take credit for knowing more about YOU than ever before. hmmph whatever.
I got a referral for a pdoc, who will take my insurance, and whose receptionist sounded cheery and patient on the phone. He's booked pretty solid, but I put myself on the waiting list. otherwise I see him in a couple of weeks. (note to self- klonopin will last me everyday one pill until then. Days without major incidents/days with too much geodon-sedation can be handled with minimal klonopin, saving some for acute ick)
And quieT remembered a lot of things about our first session, which was what? 2 weeks ago? Suggested good ways to keep myself occupied.
I was able to drive to his office, with confidence, 'cause I had my husband show me how yesterday. I was even able to navigate to a coffeeshop, where I had to down 3 cups really fast between 8-9am, because I was SO geodon-groggy. Horrible feeling to be driving and feel like a vampire at dawn, with the sun's rays burning my retina's wishing to crawl into a mossy hole and into a secure niche.
((((niche))))
Where the hell is my niche, both vampirically and biologically, socially, psychologically. I feel like a free spirit in need of some anchoring.
-Ll
poster:LlurpsieNoodle
thread:762978
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070612/msgs/762978.html