Posted by muffled on May 24, 2007, at 15:28:21
In reply to Re: Sigh, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on May 23, 2007, at 21:07:26
> muffled,
> I know the feeling of incredible sadness.**yes, I am sure of that :-( and I am so terribly sorry :-(
> It takes immense courage to allow your inner kid to have a voice.**Sigh. I trying to, but she don't got words, I seem to be only getting these horrible emot shots from her...and thats enough. I don't want no more.
> You fear that what she has to say will break your heart and ruin your life.**maybe just shake what I have created in my void of memory. I had a great childhood. All was good. And I think much of it proly was. I don't want to know anything else. I just want the kid to leave us in peace.
> You've already started down this path though, and she will get stronger and stronger until you cannot ignore her any longer. When that happens you will be with your T, and she will help you understand how you can learn to live with your hurt and pain. How you can learn from it. How you can surrender to it, and that it won't kill you.
**I cannot ignore her, she haunts me. But I a dissociative, I can keep stuff at bay forever.....more or less....
>
> You can learn these things. You always write me "you gonna be okay" and that helps. I wish I could convince you that "you gonna be okay" too.**Oh I be OK. Thats one of the upsides of dissociation. I KNOW there are parts that will carry me. I just worry bout some of the spazzier ones accidentally bumping this body off.....in a fit of freakout. I have excellent control 98% of the time, esp now I have recognition, but its that 2% that concerns me.....its awful that I can be not there :-(
But I guess you know how that is :-(
> You can walk it alone. It's terrifying though. You're not a bad person if you allow someone to walk with you. Sometimes your T will hold your hand. Sometimes she'll be 10 steps ahead of you, or behind you, but let her be there for you. She cares. She will come and get you if you go missing. She cares that much.**Sigh...again. Thats what my T says alot, that she walking w/me....its a good analogy.
I once asked T in fax, 'if I get lost in space, will you rent a rocket and try to find me if you can.....?'
God I feel so sad.
But I be OK. I go look at nature and be OK. I can flip like a coin.
> love,
> LlThanks,
(((LL)))
Muffly
poster:muffled
thread:759027
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070505/msgs/759296.html