Posted by jammerlich on May 7, 2007, at 12:53:52
I thought today was an OK day. It isn't though. Not really. I'm getting a sense of how fragile my sense of being OK can be. It's really very easily thrown off.
I am crying and just feel horrible and can't stop. The tears were set off from dealing with my apartment complex and the people who are to repair my carpets after the leak I discovered upon returning home last week. Apparently, it's shocking that I would expect to be called ahead of time with the schedule.
Anyway, I just started bawling when it was all over. A response totally out of line for what had just transpired. I know it's about so much more. I can feel it all coming up....all the events I've been trying to just get through. Missing my teacher-friend so very much. My husband telling me, late in our trip, that he'd been emailing with a "friend" and they'd probably be returning to NYC together soon. And then, when I started tearing up, he said, "Well, there'll be other people too." Was that supposed to make it better? I don't know. It only made me feel worse. And the tears are for my struggles with T, too. I just don't know if working for that is worth it. It will never be "real." Not really real. Just therapy real.
I'm sorry. I don't mean to sound so desperate and whiny...all gloom and doom. It's just where I am right now....and it's frightening how quickly I got here.
poster:jammerlich
thread:756518
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070505/msgs/756518.html