Posted by gazo on April 30, 2007, at 14:20:56
In reply to doing bad.. brief stop in.. **trigger**, posted by gazo on April 28, 2007, at 19:38:18
we didn't even get to insurance part. i guess it'll have to wait, unless i drop off a letter or something. Today was crisis management. we talked some about H, why i stay, etc... and i tried to explain the horrific panic attacks i get.. like ones that last for days and have put me in the ER. So he felt that before we could cover anything else of substance we had to get into the anxiety.
he asked me to describe what happens.. which is near impossible (it really is impressive) but even in trying to it started making me uncomfortably anxious... and being the good therapist he seized the opportunity to "let me experience that." grrrrr... He tried to encourage me to breath and all that blah-de-blah... but i just sat there holding myself wishing to god i could use one of my coping mechanisms... of course it would be inappropriate to whip out vodka in his office.
i just kept my eyes closed and tried to listen to his voice... that calmed me. He is soothing.
i told him he would never have the chance again to lure me into that state. No way.
we seem to be doing a lot of crisis management. he said i have to be able to get to a point with this overpowering anxiety before it would be possible to go deeper with anything.
i asked him if i was unsalvagable and he said no.. he believes i can be helped. That meant a lot.
he said the pills and sleepig were escaping the anxiety and would not help.. i just don't know what else to do yet. i need to get through somehow until i have better skills.
anyway.. i know i am persona non grata.. but thanks to anyone who bothered to read this. you don't have to reply.
much peace and love
poster:gazo
thread:754254
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070419/msgs/754670.html