Posted by antigua on March 18, 2007, at 10:05:01
In reply to Re: Handling Rejection » Poet, posted by Iwillsurvive on March 17, 2007, at 13:47:35
I think of you so often. I guess I identify so strongly with you because I know so much of what you feel is tied up with your work and your desire to get work that is worthy of you. Your work identity is so tied up with your self worth. I'm like that, too, and it's so hard.
Before I had children, my work was my life and I obsessed about it and doing well, and I did very well, rising to the top of my profession. After I had kids, they took over and they became how I identified myself--not a good thing to do, because I would get really upset if they weren't acknowledged for what they had accomplished. And I pushed them very hard. (this is all in hindsight, of course). My oldest in now off in college and it was a horrendous process getting him in. He is very smart and I took it so personally when he was rejected. Once I realized what I was doing (after 17 years of pushing), and that he was a reflection of his upbringing but he was his own person and I had to let go, things were fine. He didn't end up where I thought he would, but he is so happy. I had to let go.
My daughter is ready for HS and the same thing hit me again (You'd think I'd know better). She was offered a fantastic scholarship at a fancy girls' school, and as I told her, I just went insane for a week, thinking she should go, etc..
What SHE really wanted was to go to the public school with this great program she's interested in.. So this time, I realized her going to the fancy school was about me and not her, it was nice they offered, but I didn't have to make her go (like my son).Sorry, got off track. But since the kids are grown, I've been looking for more steady work (I freelance). I just lost one of my jobs this week, and I'm really upset, even though I knew it was coming. It wasn't me, it was them, but it didn't make the rejection any easier, when you'd think it would. I hated the job anyway, so why am I fussing so much? I have another freelance job that is so far below my abilities, but it's all I can get right now. It's so frustrating, and so hard to handle.
There was a great job I was up for that I thought I would get. I discussed it with my pdoc and guess what he said. I was "narcisstic" to think that I was going to get it! That blew me away! Do I have unrealistic expectations of my abilities? I don't think so, but... I don't want to say he was right, but he sure made me think. Actually, he made me so darn mad. He's not right. I know my abilities.
But why do we identify so much with work? Why does it really matter so much what others think of us? Why do we feel we have so much to prove? Because nobody would listen to us when we were children and being so ignored and abused? I don't know.
But I'm not giving up. I won't pound my head against the wall, and maybe I'll change my route a little, but I have to trust myself and what is right.
Narcisstic! Makes me so mad. I see him Monday and can't wait to give him a piece of my mind!! (and no, I didn't get that job, either. It was between me and another person and the other person was more willing to be a slave, and I wasn't. So that's healthy, right?)
Hang in there Poet,
antigua
poster:antigua
thread:741800
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070309/msgs/741941.html