Posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on February 20, 2007, at 13:58:03
About my behavior this weekend. Told me that I need to try to avoid extreme stress so that the darker elements of my experience don't overwhelm my coping mechanisms.
She was also concerned about the particular location of my coping mechanism. Said it was too close to a major artery. hmm.
I protest: but I was very superficial.
she counters: but there's not much room for error
I protest: but I didn't want to kill myself.
I protest: but I was scared for myself
I protest: but I wanted to hurt
I protest: but I didn't want to kill myself
I protest: but I wanted to see if my body felt painI'm left wondering... what if it happens again, and my pain sensations don't kick in at the dermal level. hmm. what then?
Actually the session was okay. I was pretty detached from the whole thing. She got out paper and took notes for the first time ever. even our first session she didn't write. this time she wrote down most of what I described.
She doesn't scare me though. She didn't make me feel like a bad person. And I feel like I could tell her everything that happened- that's progress. BUT... she's very concerned. Me too, I suppose. At least I'm concerned when I stop and think about it. Kind of like Humpty Dumpty- looking down at her shell and noticing for the first time that she's somehow cracked and has been glued together again several times judging from the different kinds of glue. Some of the joints are failing too.
Okay. I get back to diss work though. A wonderful way of "escaping" real life, which should be avoided.
-Ll
poster:Llurpsie_Noodle
thread:734473
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070215/msgs/734473.html