Posted by Deneb on February 6, 2007, at 15:57:17
In reply to Re: I feel upset, *******triggers*********longer » Deneb, posted by gardenergirl on February 6, 2007, at 13:15:15
> Deneb,
>
> If you're feeling so bad and upset that you have suicidal ideation, but no intent, no plan, and no access to a plan, then the issue is to deal with the upset feelings to soothe them in whatever way works best. Again, those in real life will be more immediately and long-term effective than this board can be. And if you're reading this and you're in danger of hurting yourself, again, stop reading and go tell someone.I went to buy a rope, but there weren't any for sale. I'm OK. I just had an appointment with my pdoc. I cried the entire time. I told her about my suicidal thoughts. I can't kill myself because I would hurt my Mom very much if I did. Also gg, you're right, killing myself would be a selfish thing to do. I can't fix anything if I'm dead. I can't make things right again. I think I'm OK for the most part. I'm just really unstable right now.
My pdoc told me to drop my classes. It's not worth the stress. She told me to drop them and then we'll see if that helps. If it doesn't help she's going to change my medication. She told me to get a part-time job that isn't stressful.
I asked about DBT. She said she didn't recommend it for me because it involves group work and I'm not ready for group work. She said she was worried the group work would stress me out. She told me the therapy we are doing is DBT. She told me to buy Linehan's Workbook and read that and go through the exercises.
If not, below are the associations and reactions I had to your post.
>
> > > > I don't know how to act so people won't think I'm manipulative. I always write the wrong things.
>
> Deneb, you have no control over what others might think. There is no specific thing you could write that could guarantee that no one ever could think you're manipulative or not manipulative. It's not within your control. It's not within my control. It's only within the control of the person doing the thinking. Wouldn't it seem a lot easier for you if you didn't work so hard to effect something that is not at all within your control?You're right gg. I can't control what others think. No matter what I do people still might think I'm being manipulative. Also just because they think I'm being manipulative doesn't mean my intent was to be manipulative. I have never ever once thought of being manipulative on purpose. I don't set out to manipulate people on purpose.
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> > I don't know how to be a better person.
>
> You can only be you, Deneb. I don't know how you define being a "better person", but that sounds like some end goal that doesn't allow for any credit for the present and for progress to date. Are you being the best Deneb you can be today, given all that you are today? That's all we have and all we can do. I don't believe it matters one whit what anyone else says would be "better" for you. If it's not what you want, and you are okay with what you do want and all that may accompany it, that's what's important.I think I'm doing the best I can. It's difficult to think of others when I'm in a bad way. The bad emotions get so so strong I don't handle it very well.
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> > I think I need to die. Babble is better off without me.
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> Those are two statements which are not connected. If you are connecting them, i.e. "Babble would be better off, [therefore] I need to die, that's a faulty assumption. There's no way to measure "better off". Also, I think you might be giving more weight to the feelings and thoughts you perceive from some versus the entire community, which would not be objective.I'm not very objective about certain things. I focus on the negative. When I think someone doesn't like me I think the world doesn't like me. Everything is black and white. Either everyone likes me or everyone hates me.
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> > I'm not changing fast enough for people.
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> There's no timetable or deadline. You can only go at your pace. Are you changing fast enough for you? Are you changing in the direction you wish to? Do you have a plan for this change, and if so, is it working the way you want it to?I think I was going in the right direction for a long time, but recently I've been going backwards. My plan for change is to continue seeing my pdoc and to try to apply the things I learn.
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> I'm not saying that others might not feel frustrated or angry. But those are *their* feelings. Even if someone were to directly connect those feelings to your behavior, they are *their* feelings, and thus, not your responsibility. Others feelings are not within your control. There is nothing you could write or do which could guarantee that someone might feel differently than they do or they way you wish they would feel. It's not within your control. Again, wouldn't interpersonal interaction be a lot easier knowing what is and what is not within your control?I just hate making others feel frustrated and angry. I just wish I didn't do that. I know I can't control how others feel, but my words can hurt others.
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> > As long as I'm alive I will continue to hurt others. I'm sad. I know Babble will be a better place if I were dead. I can't leave Babble as long as I'm alive. If I want to do the right thing I should kill myself. I will never become a good person. I will continue to hurt others as long as I'm alive.
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> Those are all faulty assumptions and/or examples of black/white thinking. Taking action based on faulty assumptions usually leads to negative outcomes. Think scientifically, Deneb. What is the evidence for and against each of those statements. Where do those hypotheses come from, anyway? Do they come from something objective and real or from an assumption or subjective interpretation? Which would be the better scientific process to determine any action?You're right. I have a lot of distortions in my thinking. I don't always hurt others. I do good things sometimes.
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> > The most unselfish thing I can do would be to kill myself
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> I strongly disagree. I view suicide as the most selfish act.
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> > and spare others from my manipulations.
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> Whether you manipulate someone else or not, it's their responsibility to handle their response to any interpersonal interaction. We all face all kinds of interpersonal challenges in communicating with others, and it's up to us how we handle them and any affective response we might have. So again, whether or not you do act in a way which maniuplates others, the only thing you can take responsibility for being able to affect is your own behavior--NOT their feelings or responses.I know I need to change my behaviour. I'm just afraid I will never change and continue to hurt others.
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> > I'm hopeless.
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> There's always hope. If you can't feel it right now, hang onto mine.Thanks gg. I'll hang on tight.
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> > I don't want to hurt others.
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> I believe you.
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> > If I kill myself it will prove my good intentions.
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> No. It would prove nothing meaningful. It might suggest you gave up. But it would have nothing to do with what you said and did in the past, so proving any intention would have nothing to do with it. And there would be no future, so any intentions for the future would mean nothing, as well.You're right. No one can tell what my intentions are. If I kill myself I'll also hurt others. People might think my intention was to hurt others.
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> > I can't change fast enough.
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> There's no deadline.
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> > I need to stop thinking of myself. I need to think of others.
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> Thinking about suicide is not thinking of others. It's about the most personal thing there can be.I need to think about helping others. If I kill myself people would no longer be hurt by me, but I won't be able to make things right. It all depends now on whether or not I think I can make things right.
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> From what I can see, your upset is rooted in faulty thinking. That's one approach to soothing upset. There are many others, and gobs of them have been posted on these boards throughout the years. I encourage you to explore and to try out a new technique to see if it helps a little.
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> (((Deneb)))
>
> namaste
>
> gg
>Thanks gg ((((((((((((gg)))))))))))))) You really helped me. I feel a little better now. I'm most probably not going to kill myself. I don't want to be selfish.
Deneb*
>
poster:Deneb
thread:730248
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070203/msgs/730488.html