Posted by Tamar on December 29, 2006, at 4:23:02
In reply to Re: why can't I leave therapy? » Tamar, posted by Daisym on December 28, 2006, at 20:25:28
> So? Can we help with the something else? I hope you are OK. Today must have been the day of hard sessions. I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours.
Sadly mine wasn't a session. It was another sighting. My therapist said he was going to be off work this week as well, but yesterday I passed his offce and he was there again. (I'm not stalking him; I was with my family and the place we were going took us past his office.)
I just don't get it. I even talked to my husband about it and he suggested maybe my therapist is having an affair with one of his colleagues and they can only meet at the office! Somehow I prefer that idea to the idea that he's not being truthful with me, or avoiding me.
It's still a week until my next appointment. I almost never catch sight of him in the real world, so I'm finding this quite hard. I'm feeling horribly paraoid, and that's not something I can make any sense of. I'd like to attribute it to transference, but I don't remember ever thinking people were lying to me before. I've never been a suspicious person until now. I don't understand it at all and I'm feeling really crazy.
I keep trying to focus on the facts, which are:
He told me he was taking a couple of weeks off.
He scheduled a three week break between my last appointment and my next appointment.
He has been at the office at least twice during the last two weeks but he hasn't been meeting with me.But then my irrational side tries to fill in the blanks. He lied to me. He's avoiding me. He changed his mind about taking time off but didn't contact me to offer me an appointment. When he said he was taking two weeks off work, he meant only his work with me, and not his work with everyone else. There's something profoundly disgusting about me that he doesn't want to have to encounter.
I know I should bring it up with him when we meet next Friday, but I desperately want to pretend it didn't happen and that nothing is wrong. I'll walk into the room and sit opposite him and I'll feel so relieved that he's still there that I will welcome the opportunity to pretend I wasn't angry or hurt. I just want everything to be OK again.
poster:Tamar
thread:716231
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061210/msgs/717192.html