Posted by Daisym on November 24, 2006, at 16:44:51
I'm experiencing the weight and sadness of a Holiday weekend. This should be a happy time, putting up decorations and planning for Christmas. Every weekend for the next month is booked up for me, either with class or parties or something. So I won't have to be alone, right?
But I want to hide in my closet again. Only this time I really, really don't want to come out. I don't want to go to therapy and work on anything. I don't want to go to my office and face the unsolvable problems. I don't want to travel to a conference, I don't want to don't want to put up a Christmas tree.
I'm dealing with the nights by taking sleeping pills. But no one makes a pill for the daytime. I've been trying to sort out why I've slid into this hole again. Is it the nostalgia of this time of year? Is the backlash of my therapist's vacation? Is it being too busy to reach out for support? Is it having to put on a brave face with family and make everyone OK about my separation?
My therapist tried to remind me on Wed that my son needs me. I said it wasn't enough to dampen the pain. Right now I force myself up and I get through that day. But this time of year, one day at a time doesn't work. You are forced into long term planning. You have to make decisions. You are supposed to be happy.
I'm just not. I'm just tired. I'm afraid I'm going to decorate my Christmas tree with tinsel tears and broken hearts. Not very Ho Ho Ho.
poster:Daisym
thread:706781
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061123/msgs/706781.html