Posted by ElaineM on September 24, 2006, at 22:42:22
In reply to I am blabbering but this is necessary, posted by Susan47 on September 24, 2006, at 16:43:52
>>>>>>>>>>But it's so hard to live. What I am capable of living, can't be called a life. No one who hasn't been there or isn't there now, can ever understand how it feels to be completely isolated from everyone and everything you love, or want, or wish to be. To be alone. Inside your skin, and suffering so much.
(((((Susan)))))) :'( You're posts are so painful to read, nevermind feel. You are such an evocative writer that it is hard to take. And maybe cause I may know a little of what you feel. Once I was told, "...I'm afraid you're just gonna have to live with it." and then I stopped hearing everything he said after that. But when I'd play it over in my head at home I'd start laugh-crying (that scary combo) thinking "He called this living?!?! He really has no effing idea what this is like" I can't stand that you hurt so much. And don't know what to tell you. I don't know the path out of aloneness, when everywhere seems to be cut off and dead ends. How do you make hope not seem like a silly concept? I'm not sure. I just try to believe in what others tell me.
I don't know where you're from but can you expressly forbid your new T from contacting the old one. Even if you said to her, "...just for now." Could you explain to her that you'll find it hard to develop trust with her if she is communicating with old T? I only know a little about my own rights so maybe this doesn't apply. I just don't think it seems fair when you don't want this so much. Though I think you're very brave for trying again. I can't imagine.
Would you ever write a "Dear Dr." letter to new T so she can understand how much all this means to you? .... i don't know, maybe it's too soon.
It is hard to have to think of death in order to tolerate being alive. I'm sorry you have so much despair.
safe hugs, EL
poster:ElaineM
thread:688752
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060911/msgs/688901.html