Posted by Daisym on June 24, 2006, at 0:29:58
I've written before that I'm in a Fellowship program about Infant Mental health. The speaker this weekend is a leading expert in early childhood abuse and trauma. His web site is: Childtrauma.org. He is a great speaker and it is fascinating how the brain develops and what happens with traumatic experiences. But I can't begin to tell you how hard it is to listen to him talk about all these different children who are being abused by their parents. He said, "it is sad that we've had to create systems that protect children from their parents." No kidding.
My therapist and I talked about this class a lot. Luckily, he moved my Thursday appointment to the morning because I was in class all afternoon. First we went through ways to protect myself in the moment. He gave me permission to step out. He also said I didn't need top push myself around this, I push hard enough in therapy. He gave me the talisman to hold and I left one of my favorite stuffed animals (though not my most special one - I just couldn't...) with him. I had this visualization of packing up little daisy, with her toy for the weekend and leaving her to be taken care of with "our" therapist. He said he liked the idea.
But he said I was ready to start taking care of her myself too. He said when I feel scared or overwhelmed, I should stop and consider which part of me is needing more safety and then find a way to give it to her. I cried, because I know I need to and I'm so terrified I'll fail her. Again. My therapist was really gentle but kind of relentless. He said I'm not little anymore and I can "run away" if I need to. And that wasn't a bad thing. He also said it is important to know how strong I am because I survived all of that so i can this too. And then he caved a little and said, "I'm with you. Just reach out with your mind and you will feel me. Let yourself hear my words. And call me if you need me."
The more I heard people talking today the more I believe that my therapy is exactly right for me, my therapist is special and gifted and not that many people get to do this deep work in this way. I think I should remember to tell him that on Monday.
poster:Daisym
thread:660834
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060623/msgs/660834.html