Posted by Racer on June 18, 2006, at 10:46:59
In reply to Re: can professionals keep this a secret? » fairywings, posted by ElaineM on June 16, 2006, at 19:17:32
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> He does know of my past abuse by my father, and a smaller incident a few years ago. That's why I think he wants to make sure he's extra caring. That's why I want to make sure I don't mistake caring for something else.That's such a huge red flag right there, as far as I'm concerned: your gut, which has learned a lot over the years, is telling you that something's wrong. And your therapist has set things up so that you're actively doubting what your Danger-O-Meter is telling you? That's not good. That's a very good way to get you into a particularly dangerous place, but it's not good in any healthy sense.
If nothing else gets through this, just let this one thought sink in: you are not mistaking true caring for anything else. You're not experiencing true caring right now from this man. True caring involves boundaries, which are not present in this situation.
> I can't believe he would use his knowledge of my past to hurt me.
I don't think he would hurt you -- intentionally. What he's doing right now, though, probably just out of his own needs, is hurting you. I wish you could read your posts and hear the pain I'm hearing in your written voice. His behavior is hurting you, no matter what his intention is.
> But he does know that I have no one else, and am lonely. It's embarassing to say but, I'm desperate, and he knows that. I wish I could just know for sure what will happen.
I can't tell you for sure what will happen in its details. I can tell you it won't be anything good...
> He says he will never end it with me. I can't picture him doing it, I just worry that it is only because I behave well and say nice things, and help him out.I can see a good chance that he will end it, and will end it abruptly. Let me tell you how I see it happening: he finally comes to his senses, realizes that he's jeopardizing his own ability to practice therapy, maybe even gets a warning from someone else. Maybe he even finds himself a REAL girlfriend, and no longer needs whatever he's getting from you. Either of those scenarios would end with an abrupt termination of you. I know you're hurting, and desparate, and really need the support you think you're getting from him. But how would you feel WHEN one of those things happens?
Remember -- if this does lead to termination as I described, he's probably NOT going to tell you why. He's just going to tell you to find someone else, he can't see you anymore.
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Abusive therapy situations are terrible. They don't even have to include the sort of romantic/sexual thing you're describing to be devastating.
I had a bad experience with therapy a couple of years ago. It has left me in pretty terrible shape, and I STILL have nightmares about the therapist involved. (It's been over two years since all this happened. I'm seeing a great therapist. I STILL have nightmares when I am asleep, and I am living a nightmare of sorts when I am awake, since I internalized all the bad things she said about me into severe self doubt. It was only after more than a year after terminating with her that I was able to leave the house for anything except therapy and doctor's visits. They can do a very great deal of damage without breaking a sweat. And without meaning to. I very much doubt my Therapist From The Black Lagoon intended to hurt me. That doesn't mean she hurt me any less.)
I guess what I'm trying to say, Elaine, is that you can be hurt so much more than you might imagine in this situation, and I would hate to have htat happen. I agree with the others who said that terminating on your terms is the best, and seeing another therapist -- preferably female -- at least a few times, while you work out what you're going to do, is probably the very best you cna do for yourself.
Good luck.
poster:Racer
thread:657557
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060615/msgs/658287.html