Posted by llrrrpp on May 19, 2006, at 15:47:18
today the world says "congratulations"
My mind says "you don't deserve it, it means nothing, you only got the fellowship because..."
Why can't I accept this as independent affirmation of my hard work, talent, self-worth? Why do I dismiss the opinion of an entire committee of super big-shot professors, who thought my project meritorious? Why don't I *feel*?
My question to TeamBabble is this: is there any homework I can do to reconcile this cognitive dissonance? I won't see T until next week, and this is killing me inside. I feel so awful. I don't know anyone who would understand my misery. They would say "CONgraTULAtions!!!!" and another piece of me dies inside. I can't handle it anymore. it's too much. This must be why people set themselves up for failure. I've done it too, but I never understood why. It's because failure is comfortable. Success throws one into the limelight, and the light shines into a dark place, and it burns.
poster:llrrrpp
thread:645964
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060517/msgs/645964.html