Posted by Racer on March 23, 2006, at 12:14:19
In reply to Re: But I don't *want* to have been an abused chil, posted by Racer on March 22, 2006, at 22:52:59
Last night, as I was going to sleep (cuddling with my Old Man cat :-) ), I realized something about all this: It's not just that I'm afraid of what it will be like to feel that anger.
I'm afraid of drowning in that sadness.
I was starting to cry, last night, about it all. I stopped myself, because I needed sleep and I didn't want to upset the cat, but I realized that I'm terrified of what all that grief will do to me. I'm afraid that I'll just deflate with that sadness, and not be able to pull myself back together.
I'm going to call my T and leave a message telling her this, because I think, maybe, if I could get past the fear of the grief, and actually move on to the next stage of Grief, maybe I could get to the anger. (Although, I think maybe I'm doing the Stages of Grief in a sort of bassackwards order...)
Every time I start to get angry, there's the fear, but also the sadness -- and I think the fear of that sadness is really what's stopping me.
poster:Racer
thread:623482
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060312/msgs/623667.html