Posted by jammerlich on February 23, 2006, at 14:48:50
In reply to Re: Camp Comfort...., posted by Daisym on February 23, 2006, at 0:18:33
Thank you for inviting me to join you in the music room. I think I like the idea of just sitting there quietly in the sun. Silence is completely underrated.
I guess I'm feeling the need to escape because my relationship with my former teacher is deepening, which feels scary and fires up all my insecurities. I had decided just to enjoy my lunch with her and not get into anything deep; but she blew my plans out of the water. She looked in my eyes and asked if I was okay - like she really did want to know. I was so surprised that she could see what no one else seems to see that I told her I wasn't and would like to talk to her more.
We met again the next day and I spilled a little. She was wonderfully generous and shared a bit about herself and asked what she could do to help. We've been emailing and I finally told her that what I'd really like was some quiet time with her where we could be close and I could hold her hand. I can't believe I did it; I'm so ashamed of wanting that. But she received it well and replied that she had some things to tell me when we have our quiet time and that she wants to be with me before the week is over.
Now I'm feeling all young and clingy. I want to talk to her, but I'm afraid to call. She's either been tired or busy and we haven't gotten together yet, and I feel so impatient about it....even though she's taking care of herself first; which is something I really want her to do. So many conflicting feelings. And I'm starting to question whether she *really* cares about me and worry that she will say I'm too much.
She might as well be my former T - the feelings are all the same. But I do recognize this relationship as something uniquely special. It's actually o.k. for us to say "I love you," and we have - over and over again. I feel like I can't say it to her enough. I just wish I could always believe she means it. I guess when it comes down to it, I have no idea why someone would feel that way about me.
I think I need a good cry....
poster:jammerlich
thread:612030
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060211/msgs/612493.html