Posted by dancinbillie on December 27, 2005, at 13:58:31
In reply to Re: Termination + transference - I'm losing it =( » dancinbillie, posted by pegasus on December 27, 2005, at 10:58:36
Hi pegasus,
Thanks so much for your reply and your understanding =) You hit on a number of issues that resonated for me:
Like I posted to annierose, I also wondered if she gave me an unusually short notice before termination. I'd think at least a couple of months would have been more appropriate - especially given my issues around abandonment, safety and attachment (I'm an adoptee), which we've been exploring.
Last week when she told me she would be moving away, I was so shocked at first that I didn't feel anything at all, and simply told her that I was really pleased for her and her "wonderful opportunity." After touching on some other topics, I totally burst into tears with no warning. We talked for a little while about how I was feeling, and I reminded her that I can be slow about processing emotions sometimes, and I wanted to talk about it maybe at our next session, after I'd had an opportunity to absorb the news and feel whatever came up. I'm still working on integrating my thoughts and feelings, so there's always a delay before the two come together . . .
Then I cried driving home, and was crying when my husband got home - I told him what was up, and he was decent about it at first. After a few days, though, he began to get irritated at my depression and sadness, and he doesn't understand why it's such a big deal for me.
I hope the new T can help me out with this. As I noted in my post to annierose, my T was clearly uncomfortable and very, very reluctant to accept and deal with my transference feelings toward her, and I'm thinking maybe that's why those feelings are still there, strong as ever.
I want to be able to say everything I need to say to my T so that I don't have to deal with any "unfinished business" - but I bet that's not going to happen . . . So it helps to hear that you were able to work through those issues with a new T.
I'm not sure exactly why, but I feel uncomfortable asking my T whether I could email her or speak to her by phone from time to time after she leaves - although I would dearly love to have that option. As you said, it feels to me that a connection like that would be very helpful in terms of my abandonment issues. I do feel betrayed by her leaving and . . . just . . . foolish, I guess, that I trusted her and believed she cared, albeit on a professional level only.
Jeez, I'm rambling - but it's been really helpful to me to write this post and the post to annierose, in preparation for seeing my T later this afternoon. Thanks again, pegasus - both for your understanding reply and your indulgence =)
I'll be back . . .
dancinbillie
poster:dancinbillie
thread:592398
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051216/msgs/592462.html