Posted by Pfinstegg on December 11, 2005, at 9:15:11
In reply to Re: Restorative Justice/Never been nice or good!, posted by allisonross on December 11, 2005, at 7:40:28
There is such a lot of feeling, intelligence and thoughtfulness in this thread. I'm not going to try to cover all of it, (I couldn't), but someone mentioned the threads about two years ago- I think it was called the "Perfect Therapists Club" I was one of the people who contributed to that. We all talked a lot about our therapists' looks, their clothing, what they said etc. I was newly in therapy at the time, and had a very intense loving transference towards him. It was coupled with complete respect for both him, and our therapeutic relationship. That part- the really important part- didn't get mentioned too much, I guess. I think I was so thrilled and bowled over by the possibilities for healing and growth in this wonderful new relationship that it felt safer and less overwhelming to have fun about things like argyle socks. I knew he would never take advantage of me, or hurt me. I thought the whole thread was a way of having fun about the little things- thus preserving in our hearts the essential wonder of the therapeutic relationship.
Apparently, some of the threads came across as belittling that relationship, or as indicating that boundary violations might occur. These were not on my mind, at all, and would not be possible with my analyst. I think I was trying to find a light-hearted way to say how wonderful it was.
With your post, Ally, I sensed some of the same things- your delight in the relationship- and it's healing possibilities. I will admit that i worried a little that the relationship was becoming sexualized (that's OK and normal), but was not being looked at carefully so that the two of you could work it through. That the enactment and sexualizing were becoming ends in themselves, rather than way stations towards growth and a full independent life for you. i don't know if this is true, of course- it's just what crossed my mind occasionally.
As others have said, it's extremely painful to fall in love with one's therapist, and then have to "work it through", with all the loss that that implies. You seem to want to leave the board rather than hear that that is what other posters think will lead to true healing for you. It would be a shame to leave for that reason. I think you will find that others (me!) will delight in hearing about your therapeutic relationship, as long as they also hear about your awareness of the necessity of maintaining good boundaries, You have hinted that your therapist may not have always maintained good boundaries, but have indicated that it's not a topic you want to talk about here. Maybe it would really help if you did.
poster:Pfinstegg
thread:587729
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051210/msgs/587996.html