Posted by LittleGirlLost on November 29, 2005, at 19:15:00
In reply to I'm too embarrassed to talk about this...., posted by LittleGirlLost on November 29, 2005, at 18:43:37
So here it is... I really really need help with this and don't know how to proceed. To me this is just such a "weird" topic, and I am way too embarrassed to talk to my therapist about this. It's strange though because there are lots of things I am embarrassed to talk about, but with this topic, I can't even entertain it in my mind. (Maybe it's more shame based?) We actually have tried to talk about it, but it always ends up with me saying, "I can't talk about it because it's too weird." So I guess you can say she knows it's an issue, but that's all she knows about it.
I don't even know how to say it since it is so embarrassing for me to talk about!
Does anyone have a fear (to the point of inability) of using public bathrooms? I'm not even talking about germs and stuff. I just cannot pee (and certainly not anything else) if someone is in the restroom with me, listening (or not even listening, but in the vicinity where they could hear). When I go out with friends, I will never go to the restroom with them like most women do. I also avoid using the bathroom at someone's house and in fact will usually stop at a fast food place along the way and use their bathroom, instead of the one in the home of the person I know. (Now that doesn't make sense!) I even do this on my way to therapy and her office is in her house - with it's own bathroom!
This has always been a problem for me, but I was somehow able to avoid it. What prompted me to write about it now is: My job is transferring me to our other office. Where I am now is a private, one stall, bathroom. You lock it when you are in there. This new office is not like that. There are a few (3 to be exact... which is somehow worse than like 40!) stalls. I don't like change to begin with, but I cannot tell you the amount of distress this bathroom situation is causing me!! So a few months ago when talk of the move began, I told my T there was something that was worrying me. I was embarrassed to tell her what it was, though I vaguely, eventually did... sort of. I really just said I have a problem with public bathrooms. (Then couldn't say anymore.) Well, now we finally have a date for the move - supposedly this Thursday or Friday. Yikes!! She wanted to help me with this because she sees how distressing it is for me, but I am embarrassed to even talk about it. I mean, who talks about "going to the bathroom"!!? The other thing is... she thinks it's related to some abuse in my background. I just can't get past the embarrassment of *talking* about it to even reach that point (abuse). The truth is, abuse or not, I litterally cannot "go" if someone is in there with me. :(
I seriously hope someone can relate to this and offer some kind of help. I'm desperate. I know I need to talk to T about this, but how do I get past the embarrassment of the topic? I mean, who talks about "going to the bathroom"!? (I'm the type of person who, if I could get away with it, would even deny doing such a thing!)
As I mentioned in the previous post, if this is not something you suffer from, you may be laughing. I can understand that! Heck, if I didn't have the problem, I would think it's funny too! Something so "normal", why is it even an issue? Ahh, but it is me, and it is an issue... a big one.
Thanks ever so much!
poster:LittleGirlLost
thread:583454
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051118/msgs/583465.html