Posted by rabble_rouser on November 18, 2005, at 14:13:53
Dear Dr Bob,
I have posted here before on some of the boards. I have been at various levels of depression since I can remember, way back into childhood (I'm 27 now). I have always thought I suffered from unipolar depression, and whenever anyone mentioned bipolar I was always "oh, thats not me at all". And I never looked into it.
In the last week however I have gone from the absolute depths two thursday's ago, almost suicidal, to thinking I am all-powerful and destined for greatness on Tuesday. Suddenly everything was falling into place and I could do no wrong. Today I just feel awful and like giving up. This got me thinking - there have been rare islands like this in the past. Normally, I am depressed, finding it very difficult to form and keep relationships. I am irritable, have low energy and poor concentration etc etc. I always bought what medics told me - I am depressed.
But there were things that didn't fit the standard depression equation. Excessive interest in sex, devoting hours at a time to porn (my ex girlfriend also could not cope with my endless need for sex). Saying inappropriate things (not necessarily sexual) but not understanding what was wrong. Occasional, rare moments where I became everything I've ever wanted to be - eloquent, clear, entertaining, charming and attractive. Boundless energy and desire to start up huge, world-beating projects. Sometimes I talk so fast and my brain goes so quickly people cannot follow me. But as soon as it had come it will go, and I would be back to being unable to communicate with people, social anxiety, poor communication skills but the endless need for closeness and attention. I also go through phases of spending without thought and find it enormously hard to get organised.
I also looked up the profile for bipolarity in children - most notably the separation anxiety and hypersexuality at an early age (8-10), and it described my childhood perfectly. My mother agreed with me, and I have taken online tests (which I got my mum to fill in with me in mind) and come out clearly in the bipolar spectrum.
I have been on Effexor in the past, and it again made me everything I've always wanted to be - it felt amazing, and its abou the only thing that can do that. But whilst on it I also went too far on a number of occasions - my confidence was just enormous. From what I read, this is a typical bipolar response to Effexor.
I have an appointment to see a psychiatrist soon, and I have suffered for so long I just want to finally find a way out. What do I say to him / her? Its so confusing, and I feel like I will have to fight to get any treatment - I am from the UK and NHS treatment is so hard to get unless you are literally suicidal in front of them.
Can this be treated without drugs? My company drug-test randomly and it could have devastating effects.
Thank you for reading
Ross
poster:rabble_rouser
thread:580087
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051118/msgs/580087.html