Posted by allisonross on October 28, 2005, at 7:38:20
In reply to It hurts so much (rant, I'm really sorry) » allisonross, posted by Susan47 on October 27, 2005, at 21:46:04
> Dear Susan: Please don't be sorry. Your feelings are all valid.
My last male therapist, Ally you have no idea or maybe you do, I don't know, but I've always wondered if I was ugly or gross, and suspect I am.
You are not. He obviously has/had his own issues, having nothing to do with you
He used to cut circles, swathes, around me. From the very first the way he showed appreciation was in his eyes. But that was all. It was so confusing for me. Becauwe his eyes weren't always giving emotional sustenance, you know? They were giving out a lot of sexual messages.
I know all about it.
I don't know if he knows that about himself. I believe, I mean, I've seen the way he behaves with other women, and it's all the same. He's the same with all of us. Treats us like we're too good or too bad to touch, yet his body language can be really.. I don't know. Flirtatious, conniving? I see a lot of actor in him. Really and truly, And he made these wide swathes around me, like I was poison.
Again, he has a problem having nothing to do with you. Therapists are just people too. Knowing the difference between OUR stuff and their stuff is a wonderful thing to learn and know. In other words, does someone else's behavior, or words have anything to do with YOU? Think about it, and then you can come to the realization, that...no....it's THEIR stuff.
s som And it sure as hell didn't take long for me to feel second-class, like I was good enough to tease but not take any farther.
Impaired therapist/problems.
And then the bastard gave me the come-hither go-thither routine, like, "Oh, I work in and out of my office, you know, I'm not always here, I do sessions at people's homes ..." and I'm like, I know I didn't hear that right, and if I did then I know it was completely innocent but then the guy stares directly at these tiny little titties I had back then ...
Sick, and he is not supposed to have sessions at someone's house (unless they are impaired/paralyzed, etc)...he was playing sick mind games.
> my God, I loved him so much because I saw what I wanted to see, which might have been him but the facts say it just couldn't have been.People do what they need to, to stay out of pain; we all do.
> I loved him so Much.
I know. I love my t, and I could write a book at what has gone on; it has gone to the physical (no, not kissing, sex, etc....but (you may not be ready for this one), jostling me and then throwing me on the couch,
Playfully, teasingly-- (there are tons of other things); in other words, i fell in love with him (if I had met him anywhere else, i would have; we are alike in 28 ways, if you can believe that). He has obviously, encouraged me, while the professiional in him..wrestles his feelings for me. he said "you want me to want you" Talk about feeling naked and exposed!
We have had many conversations about my feelings for him. I believe he is in love with me, also. he says he is "deeply in love with his wife," but behaves in another way. Remember, people ARE what they DO, NOT what they SAY.
> I still do, and I think I'm not very good in the love department, you know, because I keep f*cking it up.
How do you think you keep f***ing it up? In what ways?
Over and over and over again, and I don't believe I care if I ever get it right anymore.
i think you do. We all are wired to be loved.
Hugs and love. You are a lovely person. If you behave like you are beautiful and confident (even if you don't feel it) people will come out of the woodwork, to try and get to know you. Trust me!
I am 59 years old, and still have men coming on to me. It is ALL about attitude...attitude is everything! Good genes don't hurt either, LOL, LOL
Believe you are special, because...you ARE, sweetie; write me anytime (wacalice@aol.com) >
poster:allisonross
thread:572378
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051025/msgs/572641.html