Posted by alexandra_k on October 4, 2005, at 21:58:40
In reply to Re: thanks everyone, posted by alexandra_k on October 4, 2005, at 2:52:09
i'm ambivalent
normally...
i have a screw it lets do it thing going on
like with emails
emails of protest
emails of frustration
i kind of think i'll regret them later
but i send 'em anyways
and later
i sort of regret them...
but then another part of me is still glad it got sentand so i am ambivalent.
because...
just maybe...it would be nice to make sure that she knows
not that i haven't really been able to work with anyone since
not that i have a new dx
but the other stuff
the positive stuff
the good things i've done
and how i have progressed
and how much she started me along the way with that
and how much i really appreciate thatmaybe...
just maybe...that would be enough.
but then there is this other thing
about how i would like to be able to email her from time to time
i do appreciate that she isn't my t anymore
but it would be nice to feel like she is still part of my life
the positive bitsbut then how realistic is that?
how realistic is it for me to think that i would be able to do that
to keep it positive
to not start treating her like my t againi don't know...
and then there is the point about how maybe i'm idealising her pretty significantly
:-(
:-(i just really really miss her
tears.
i'm not sure why it is that i have it so bad at the moment...
maybe its because i've never felt a connection like that before...
and i'm scared i'll never find one like that againand i miss her so much
poster:alexandra_k
thread:562227
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051001/msgs/563027.html