Posted by fairywings on September 4, 2005, at 12:42:50
In reply to Re: Where we left off...........***trigger*** » fairywings, posted by Tamar on September 3, 2005, at 21:31:20
Hi Tamar,Thanks. My husband is so awesome. Since day one he's been so understanding about everything I've ever been through and how it's affected me. Sometimes I'm afraid that he'll have had enough, and leave me, but he's reassured me that "I won't get rid of him that easily"! LOL
I know there's a lot to talk about with my T, and I think he will be someone I can really trust, he's so kind. I find that I just want to race through every thing, and get it over with! I'm not sure I'll feel any less dirty telling it in therapy, but there has to be a reason why ppl do this, and there has to be a reason it makes ppl feel better, and I hope it works for me too. I don't really understand how it is supposed to make you feel better to talk about it, when you won't forget about it, but I know ppl do it all the time, so I just trust that it will.
When I think of telling him why I don't want to talk about the rape, because that's when the last T took the personal call, my heart really races. The last T was better with here and now kind of stuff, and less with past stuff, but he was just stupid to take phone calls, esp. during a time when I needed him to be fully present, and he wasn't. He also told me that if I saw the guys today, they'd say that it was consensual sex! I said, "What?!" He said that when it's aquaintence rape the guys generally see it as consensual. I told him that I didn't need to hear that, I'd never heard that before, and than it was not helpful. He said, "Oh well".
I have such a good feeling about this T. The only thing he could do to lose my trust at this point would be to terminate me. If he told me I was needed more help than he could provide it would be too much, but short of that we'll be okay. I feel that strongly because he and my p-doc are friends, and my p-doc trusts him. I also feel that I can trust him because he said that nothing, short of suicide, would leave the room, and just the way he's reacted to certain things I've told him - genuine reactions that were from the heart.
Anyway, maybe I'll have to ask him next appointment to make sure there's no reason we'd get into all of this and then he'd terminate me.
Thanks,
fw
poster:fairywings
thread:550256
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050901/msgs/550587.html