Posted by daisym on August 23, 2005, at 1:24:03
I had a pretty good session today. We talked about my kids a little and we spent most of our time on how I'm changing and how my husband is so unhappy with that. He is becoming more and more controlling and I'm pulling further and further away. I said the sad fact was that I was feeling more connected to my therapist than I was to my husband. I'm sure on some level he can feel this. It made me feel so sad but there were no tears today.
At the very, very end, my therapist said, "so we aren't meeting tomorrow." I nodded. I needed to cut out Tuesday because my session time conflicts with kid-pick-up time. I told him this was going to be a problem a few weeks ago. Last week he said he could move the time, but I've been thinking I was ready to cut down anyway. He said he thought I was operating on a "should" and not on what I wanted or needed. Today he asked me how I felt about not coming and I said I hated it but I thought I needed to try and tolerate it. He didn't argue, he just said, "we can talk about how it felt on Wed." So I left.
By the time I got back to my office, I was in tears. I felt like such a little kid, like he was being taken away and I was lost and alone. The need and longing was back 10-fold, which shocked me as I didn't feel this at all this weekend. I stood it for an hour and then I called him. I said I felt really stupid but I was having a complete meltdown about not coming tomorrow. So he made room for me in his schedule and he soothed my ruffled feathers and said we'd figure out what it was about tomorrow.
Tonight I'm having a hard time. I can't focus and I feel almost frantic about losing him. This isn't rational AT ALL. I can't believe how quickly I flipped into this feeling. Any ideas? What is going on that I can't even tolerate cutting back one session? It isn't like I won't still see him a lot. I half think I should cancel and just force myself to get used to this new schedule. I'm pretty sure I won't, but I feel like I should. I hate this! I feel like a little tiny kid. :(
poster:daisym
thread:545517
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050813/msgs/545517.html