Posted by kerria on July 22, 2005, at 10:24:47
In reply to Interesting Questions for ya'll???, posted by LadyBug on July 19, 2005, at 23:42:59
This is such a triggering thought for me- there are parts that complicate everything i think about and do - but so much of me is so sorry about the day when we found out we had DID and needed therapy. every few years throughout my life since i was twelve i fell apart. Different dx were given- scizophrenia, bipolar but i always went into times of remission. Especially when i was deeply involved with a church. It kept me out of trouble because the way to think was right, then a traumatic run-in with the pastors messed it up and while going to genEd psy at school a teacher noticed all my trouble there and told me that i had DID. He said that i would be appreciably better after six months of therapy but i was so worse.
Since i started therapy i was so much worse because for the most i had totally forgotten childhood trauma - except for having flshbacks once in a while which became worse after the falling away from church's influence. Parts took over different aspects of my life 'normally' and we worked around it. Now trying to communicate with them is so impossibly difficult. My health is getting bad because of severe migraines and chronic severe pain - it's a life and death issue to get better because things are so out of control.
How much i wish it could be back to the time before i knew- the teacher had no right to give me a dx like this - i never expected to get at college. i didn't even ask to talk to him.
i guess that it's living in reality to do therapy and communicate with parts but it wrecked the past five years of my life and has brought me close to dying a lot of times too. There were ODs and horrific hospitalizations with forced medication and long days of seclusion. i've never been so unhappy for so long a time. Before i had bouts where i was unhappy and parts did crazy things to get me in trouble but after a while it resolved when i went to church. Now i'm going to church again and seeing inside separations so intensely that there isn't the peace that i had before. Everything is so hard now and there's no help. we're so disabled but it's a struggle to get disability and therapy is so expensive and there are other health problems too. And the painful sessions - now twice a week. Will i ever recover? My family has suffered so much too - i hope therapy is worth it. Now i don't have a choice because it's impossible to live with the separations and my parts want to live their own lives. i'm stuck needing therapy.
Wish it could be more positive- if another part of me answers it will be different but i can't know now because we're one part at a time.
Take care,
kerria
poster:kerria
thread:530451
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050716/msgs/531503.html