Posted by Tamar on June 28, 2005, at 3:34:17
In reply to Chapter 6: Gaslighting, posted by Dinah on June 27, 2005, at 21:47:08
I thought the ideas raised in the chapter on gaslighting were really important. Although therapists won’t tell us much about what they’re thinking or how they’re feeling, it’s inevitable that we’ll pick up on their emotions from time to time.
I was so angry when I read Andi’s story about her therapist blaming her for his sleepiness and claiming she wasn’t being genuine in therapy. Even though there was a happy ending, I still feel outraged that a therapist could mess with someone’s head in this way.
So I’m glad the theorists are now accepting that therapists don’t have a monopoly on reality. I think there’s still a tendency in the world in general to perceive mental illness as characterised by a failure to grasp reality.
> So when my therapist doesn't know whether or not he's going on vacation until the day before he leaves, I do feel like that little girl sitting on the steps peering down the street, and a lot of those old feelings come back.
How very distressing! The world is such a confusing place for small children. I can see how your therapist's holidays would evoke the same feelings.
> And also in very closely related situations, I might experience it. I probably experienced some similarities between biofeedback guy and the pdoc from h*ll, and since they were both in the mental health profession and I was in a similar position to both, I probably made a few leaps forward in deciding what biofeedback guy was like, based on what I knew of the pdoc from h*ll.
Yeah, but you could well have been right. I tend to think those kinds of transferences work to our advantage just as much as the ‘new friend’ transferences. If you’ve seen something you don’t like, it probably does go with other things you don’t like. I do believe in giving people second chances, but I have to admit I don’t often change my initial response to someone. Still, it has happened, so I’ll keep making the effort to get to know people a bit before I decide whether I’m going to like them. And I like most people!
> Babble is another place where it's easy to do that.
I think there’s something about communicating online that encourages transference. And it can take some time to get a feel for people’s personalities. I think there are still a few posters I confuse with other posters. One thing I find curious is that it takes me much less time to get a sense of someone who has a posting name that’s actually a name (like Dinah!) rather than an epithet.
> I'll confess that I still have trouble with the stories that suggest that therapists fall in love or experience strong sexual attraction to their clients. It's so far outside my experience. I can understand a client falling for a therapist. The situation seems to be perfect for that. But I still can't manage to put my mind around the reverse. A therapist would obviously go into therapy understanding that it would be disastrous to feel anything sexual or romantic towards their clients. I just don't have the appropriate inner resources to concieve of an attraction being strong enough to overcome that. I suppose I can imagine noting an attraction, but I have trouble understanding that it could affect them enough to affect therapy. I'm sure that's a lack in me.
I tend to think the strength of the attraction can lie in the therapist’s own transference: the attraction is out of proportion to the situation. A mild attraction is one thing, and I expect most therapists feel somewhat attracted to some of their clients some of the time. But a strong sexual desire for a client is probably based in transference or countertransference, I imagine, and therefore difficult to resolve quickly. All the more reason for therapists to be fully aware of their own issues!
poster:Tamar
thread:491935
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050622/msgs/520350.html