Posted by Shortelise on June 15, 2005, at 13:33:16
In reply to Stress and T stuff, posted by thewrite1 on June 15, 2005, at 12:00:30
Write1, argh.
MIL never seem to like the woman their son loves. I think they see us as having stolen him. She was for many years the most important person in their lives. A little while after that, along we come and take that coveted place. Some MIL's never seem to get over that.
It was very unkind of her to tell you your son isn't walking because of you. I don't know how old he is, but obviously it's something you are worried about and sensitive about, and she is being very insensitive. My MIL is ok, but my MOTHER drives me insane and I sometimes have to tell her there is someone at the door, or the neighbours alarm is going off, or something like that to quikcly get off the phone before I explode. I would nver yell at my mother - we don't DO that, we keep pure emotion out of things at all times. But I am sometimes tempted to say some things I see as true that would knock her down.
ANYWAY! I have talked with my T about the times with my husband where we reach an impasse and it's often at times when I need him to be strong, and he needs me to be strong; when we need each other and neither of us is fit to be there for the other in the way s/he needs. Do you see what I mean? I hope so.
It sounds like your T needs not to be needed for a few days. Imagine that her mother is strongly attached to the deceased aunt, that she is experiencing terrible drama in her own life, and that she continues to care about you, but needs her energy for herself and her loved ones. Ah, there it is: those damn T's are human, the jerks!But of course, so are we, and when our support isn't there when we need it, well, eeeeeeeeeek!!Can you give her a break? She might have been able to handle things better ... ok - she really *could* have handled things with you better - and her failure to do so could simply be an indication that she is super-stressed. Could you gently tell her that what you would need from her if something like this were to happen again. Whatever it is - a quick phone call, some reassurance, a promise to call to make an appointment - could you ask for it? I would be so tempted to accuse, how could she abondon me like that, leave me sick with worry? You know how - she was in crisis in her own right.
OK! I'll stop telling you stuff you already know! I guess I'm just reminding you. I used to get into this head-space where I felt my T was my mother, the centre of my univers, and I felt I shouldbe the centre of his. While I needed this from him, he was pretty good at it, I must say, but when he screwed up, it felt like the world fell out from beneath me.
Hugs, Write1.
ShortE
poster:Shortelise
thread:513130
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050615/msgs/513168.html