Posted by happyflower on May 30, 2005, at 18:38:32
In reply to maybe it's all in my head, posted by shrinking violet on May 30, 2005, at 18:06:34
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> I don't know. I wish I knew that what I'm going through now is normal and real. Part of me thinks it is, considering. The therapy I've had I think has (successfully?) torn down most of my insides, and maybe the essence of who I was (or who I constructetd to protect who I was), but unfortunately it ended before anything could be rebuilt.You know," Rising Violet", that I feel this way too. I have so much uginess inside that I am afraid that when it will come out, what will be left? I don't know if you read my poem on the writing board, called Scared to Feel the Pain, but it is mostly about all of this. Who am I going to be? My pain and shame is all that I have known. What if I change, will my husband not like the new me, will my kids reject me, how do I start over living with a new me? I am scared.
> I don't know, sorry....I don't want to keep writing in circles. I just wish I knew for sure. I just wish things were different. I just wish I could talk to my T one more time.....
>You might feel better if maybe you did write your T on how you are feeling. Even if she doesn't respond, I bet it might help you heal. It helps me to write down all the painful stuff, then I can really see it, then I can get rid of it all, or try to. You are such a sweet person, I bet your T thinks fondly of you, even if she will never admit it.
> Ack, I could drive myself nuts going back and forth and round and round like that).
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>I believe I am also going in circles, I have a big session tommorrow and I am scared. Now that my T has taught me to "feel", my emotions are going in circles and I don't know how to make it stop. It was easier to stuff down my emotions. "Feeling is hard". I applaude you for your honesty and your feelings, not everyone can be honest about what they are feeling. I guess feeling is part of living, but it is so hard. I guess I am babbling too much today, so I will slow down, lol. Shrinking Violet, I think you expanded your roots(with therapy), and with a little of fertilizer (your bad feelings) will make you grow stronger. All you need now is a little of sunshine and you will be the prettiest strongest flower ever! :)>
poster:happyflower
thread:505391
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050528/msgs/505412.html