Posted by Tamar on May 25, 2005, at 17:43:45
In reply to Age states and attachment, posted by daisym on May 24, 2005, at 0:46:22
It sounds like a good thing that your adult part is looking for attachment, especially in view of the struggles you are currently involved in. No wonder the adult Daisy needs a little care.
I imagine there won’t be any need for a change of boundaries. Even if you went as far as to feel love or lust, it wouldn’t be wrong. Even if you felt your motives were suspect or seductive, they wouldn’t be wrong. Your therapist won’t need to back away from you if you want adult attachment; he won’t reject you emotionally.
I was afraid my therapist would back off from me emotionally one time when I told him of my disgraceful and excessive sexual desires (not that I mentioned my desire for him, but I’m pretty sure he knew). But he didn’t act surprised or disgusted or annoyed or anything like that. I’d expected to feel a wall go up between us, and instead it felt as if we were actually closer. The boundaries were already in place, so they didn’t need to change. He didn’t seem to feel any need to protect himself from me; instead, his reaction made me feel safe, and I started to think maybe my desires weren’t so disgraceful after all.
Maybe you’re not talking about sexual desires so much as other kinds of adult attachment, but I still think he won’t need to move the boundaries. He will, however, be able to offer you compassion, and therapy should still feel safe. And even if you do fall in love with him, it can be intensely rewarding, because love is a gift. I guess I feel that love is never wrong or inappropriate. Your therapist has the sense to welcome it for what it is.
I think good therapists really have a gift for understanding our feelings and accepting them, without making us feel slimy and disgusting. Your therapist is one of the best.
poster:Tamar
thread:502097
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050521/msgs/502846.html