Posted by Dinah on May 19, 2005, at 19:12:43
In reply to Relationship with T/Bad Session (very long), posted by 10derHeart on May 19, 2005, at 17:50:19
10der, it sounds very good to me. He sounded concerned and empathetic. I'm sure that you'll get through this with a deeper understanding of what is happening in the therapy room. And yes, that is part of fighting to relationship.
My guess is that he really wasn't there as much as usual. That's good in a way, because it means he's all the way there an awful lot. No one can be one hundred percent always there.
I get frantic when I can't feel that connection, even now. But I'm a lot more aware while it's happening.
So my first line of attack is to try to draw him into the interaction subtly. If that doesn't work, I now tell him outright "It doesn't feel like you're completely here today. I don't feel comfortable talking about something important to me unless you're completely here." That usually brings him the rest of the way into the room, along with an occasional apology or brief explanation. But even if he doesn't realize he wasn't fully there, my saying so usually rectifies the problem. I must admit to liking it better when I can draw him in indirectly, shades of teasing my parents into a good humor I suspect.
If it still doesn't fix the problem (very rare nowadays), I leave feeling anxious and distressed. Much like an infant must feel when Mom is distracted and not totally there.
Can you ask him if he would mind if you ask next time? That if you sense that he's not fully engaged, is it ok to ask if he's really all there today?
Because I think the biggest part of emotional holding is both persons being fully engaged in the moment, and both persons contributing their fair share of emotions.
poster:Dinah
thread:500036
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050513/msgs/500068.html