Posted by shrinking violet on May 3, 2005, at 23:32:04
In reply to Re: .....never known pain like this......(trigger?) » shrinking violet, posted by tryingtobewise on May 3, 2005, at 22:36:47
-- Hi Kim, Thank you.
-- I'm afriad no.....I know that for some people, even for me in some situations, the anticipation (dread) of the event is worse than the actual thing. But there's a lot more to this than I can explain, and it's all very deep, and my relationship with my T very intense and unique. It isn't the last session itself I'm dreading (although it will be very hard)....it's the after. Because there's nothing left after this, except more pain and aloneness, and I can't live with that anymore My T and maybe the "team" in general, just having them around me, maybe they held me up all of this time, but I think my life would have ended the same had I not met them, it just would have happened earlier. And I think all along, for a while now, I knew how my life would end, sort of like you can see that the sky is blue but may not be able to explain specifically how (well, gasses and such, lol....maybe that wasn't the greatest analogy).
-- It's been a bad weekend/week so far, and I've been having a hard time....I can't imagine it being worse knowing I'll never see her or hear from her again. And like I said before (I think), it isn't just leaving my T that's the problem. There's a lot more going on....stuff my T doesn't even know about....and I can't deal with it anymore. I'm tired, and I just can't keep facing days like this.
-- I wish there were words enough to explain.....but there aren't.....at least not in a few sentences.
-- Thank you for your encouragement though, I do appreciate it.
>> Hugs SV. I'm so sorry you are going through this. One thought I had in reading your posts...and it may be way off base... but is there any chance this is one of those things that is much harder before it happens. At least once the actual termination takes place the *dread* of the last session will be gone. Perhaps then you'll be able to mourn and bit by bit move forward. In no way am I trying to minimize anything...I just know for myself, the dread of certain things can often exacerbate the natural difficulty of them.
>>
>> You are in my thoughts.
>> Kim
poster:shrinking violet
thread:491643
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050428/msgs/493447.html