Posted by happyflower on April 9, 2005, at 22:28:48
My T has been very patient with me since I told him he needs to stop pushing me so much. I think I am ready to try another EMDR treatment with him. It scares me so much because of all the hidden memories I have of my mother's abuse. My PTSD symtoms are almost gone from my last contact my mother tried. I have only been in T since Jan. but I feel so much better. Better than I have for years. But I know it is an illusion of happiness if I don't desentatize the past. All it will take is my mother to show up at my door or write me then I am right back to where I started. I am feeling so much stronger and think I might be ready to open up some of those painful wounds that I have. I don't have any therpy this week, but he had me come in on Mon. of the following week. I think I can, I think I can. ( but I still have a week to chicken out) lol My T says my mother is one of the worst abuse cases he has seen. He is so surprised that I am going so well in spite of my past. When my EMDR sessions revealed much worse, then I even thought, he knows he must go slow with me if he doesn't want to scare me out of treatment. I thought I would thank him next session for being so patient with me and I am ready to more forward. It is so hard, you know. But I have to do it in order to heal and have a life of happiness. I deserve it right? If I continue my mother to effect me, it is like I am allowing her to still abuse me. I guess the best payback is to live a happy life. I haven't seen or talked to her for over 4 years and it is the best choice I have ever made. Sorry for the all the ramblings. ( I guess I am feeling a little safer here to open to you all). Thanks!
poster:happyflower
thread:482200
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050409/msgs/482200.html