Posted by bent on March 30, 2005, at 9:49:38
I see my T weekly, as I always have. Only recently, I miss her so much between appts. She is distracting me from my job, my grad school applications, my real life. I spend too much time in fantasy. I wanna call and cancel next weeks appt. I don’t wanna go and feel the hurt and the longing after I leave. I feel heartbroken even after a great session. I don’t feel it when I am face to face with her so it’s hard to talk about because I seem so logical when I am there. But then I crash. I hurt. I want her. I want my mom. I can’t get what I want from my T. She’s a great T, I guess that’s not what I need anymore. I always say that the times you want to run from therapy the most are the times you need to stay the most. I have been thinking about what to say when I call. I want to leave a message on her vm. I cant talk directly to her…she would surely get me to change my mind. Maybe I am testing her…like I want to see if she will call me back…because then I will feel that she cares?? I don’t understand, but I know it’s getting to be too much. Here I am right now, at work, on the internet seeking out information on therapy. I don’t understand. I want to run from her and cling to her at the same time.
poster:bent
thread:477611
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050329/msgs/477611.html