Posted by thewrite1 on March 13, 2005, at 12:29:35
It's been a trying week for me. Sometimes I wish I could be the person I am during the week when I go into therapy. I don't think my T gets what's going on with me because I can't force myself to be in that place with her.
I took in some stuff I wrote and read a poem to her. She thought it was about her, and I was a little embarrassed for her, but I pushed forward with it's meaning as quickly as I could so as to not leave her in that place that we all hate so much. Her assumption distracted me a little. I couldn't help but wonder what part of it she thought was about her. For that reason, I didn't get everything out about it that I wanted to say. It's okay, though. I don't feel it's a problem.
She also suggested that we talk in the midddle of the week. I told her I was uneasy about taking more of her time and also about the expense. She offered a 15-20 minute conversation at a small fee because she's concerned about my "suicidal ideation." I agreed to try it for a week, though I'm torn between feeling like I must be really screwed up to need that and feeling good that she cares so much for me.
My husband usually isn't home on Wed. but his schedule is different this week. So I had to tell him that she'd be calling. He wanted to know why. I told him she was concerned about me. He asked if he should be concerned. I didn't know what to say. I just said, "not today," 'cause truthfully I felt like I was in a good place yesterday. I don't want to say anything that's going to cause him concern, but I don't know how to work around that either.
poster:thewrite1
thread:470436
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050305/msgs/470436.html