Posted by Susan47 on March 2, 2005, at 12:52:33
Why I desired my ex-T sexually, so very very much.
Because I saw in him, a sensitive man. A man who would never commit violence against a woman. I may have been wrong, but I felt he would never be violent with me. In fact, I felt he would be as loving as he was with me in the office. And whenever he was rejecting, it made me angry, because it seemed to prove to me that I was wrong, no one was capable of that much love, to commit to sex as though it were a loving act.
But why him?
I was married to a man who wanted nothing but to make me happy sexually. Because he was still very hurtful in many other ways.... that's the person he is, he was my father. In many ways Steve was the father I still needed. But he couldn't be the lover. And I somehow chose someone I wasn't incredibly sexually attracted to, either.
The man who raped me, I was sexually attracted to him. But that's just not the whole story. There's more. I have to run, I'm late for therapy (HAH!)
poster:Susan47
thread:465454
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050225/msgs/465454.html