Posted by shrinking violet on February 19, 2005, at 19:57:52
In reply to Re: I can't take anymore, I'm done with therapy » shrinking violet, posted by littleone on February 18, 2005, at 18:38:24
>> I guess I'm feeling torn because now I have more insight into how screwed up I am. How screwed up my life is. But I'm in a limbo area. I can see all this stuff that is wrong, but I can't see how to fix it or even how to tolerate it. I can't see how to dump therapy and yet continue to live my screwed up life in my screwed up self.
--My T (well, probably ex-T now) used to tell me that I can't ever go back to the way things were....that we managed to bring out a little into the open, and I can't go back and hide them again, that at least we did that much. I'm not so sure....I think I could easily bury everything again and go back into neverland. In fact, I'm almost hoping for it. But it sounds like that's where you are, that you made some progress and you're in that painful middle place where you can't go backward but aren't sure how to go forward. I think this is where your T will be the most useful. I'm not even sure I obtained any great insights or knowledge into myself through my T. I analyze things to death anyway, and I'm fairly insightful and "deep" on my own, so I don't even really feel like I need my T for any of those things. I hope you can find a way to allow your T to help you transform yourself into someone you can be comfortable with.
>> Is that a problem for you too? I'm not exactly sure why you're in therapy to start with. If your life could continue quite happily without therapy.
--I went in for mainly anxiety, depression, and an eating disorder (and ok, some unresolved traumas that my T has tried to pull out into the open, none of which I really want to look at or give much credence to). And I'm still anxious, depressed, and my ED has gotten worse over the past 17 months I've been seeing her (not as worse as it's ever been over the 10 years I've had it, but I've declined from where I was since starting with her).
>> I'm sorry you're having such a hard time at the moment. I take it that if you're graduating soon that you have a heap of exams or assignments or whatever coming up? It must be a terrible time for you to change T's or dump therapy or anything at the moment.
--Aw, thank you. Actually, no, I've always been able to manage school well, regardless of how other things in my life are going. I only have 2 courses this semester (well, graduate level, but still both are very manageable), then I take one more in the summer and I take my comp exam then, so it's somewhat spread out. I just think T makes everything worse, and I end up focusing on *it* rather than on my assignments, sometimes. I just don't see the point.
Thank you for your thoughts.
SV
poster:shrinking violet
thread:459867
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050218/msgs/460562.html