Posted by Frida on February 17, 2005, at 15:26:45
In reply to Re: very confused about my T session today-lost, posted by Miss Honeychurch on February 17, 2005, at 12:00:52
Miss Honeychurch,
Thank you so much for your reply. It means a lot to me.
I am not so sure why it has upset me so much. I left feeling so uncertain and a bit ...hurt, though at the same time my T was very caring and warm in the way she talked and she didn't hurt me intentionally. I guess I do feel afraid she might think I'm in love with her, because that is not so, and she is very important to me as a therapist, I do love her a lot, as a person and therapist, but I am afraid she might think I'm in love and now she will be careful with me, just when she had started to do things which were very important to me and she hadn't done before, like sharing a bit more, or suggesting a book she was reading so I could feel her closer, or sharing the names of her favourite plants, etc, and I had been feeling more secure in my relationship with her too (in the past I always dreaded she would abandon me and when she was away it was terrible, and now I have been able to internalize her caring) Now I am afraid she might take that away from me, because she might be afraid that I could be in love with her, besides I am not, and that feels sad that she thinks I could, when the feelings I have for her are more of a mother-like type..I fear she won't ever give me a hug now, because she might be afraid..and for me, the idea that maybe she would hold me safely one day, really meant a lot. I guess this doesn't make much sense. But I always dreamed that she somehow would take away the hurt of all those times I had no one after being hurt, and I was beginning to feel that relief.
I guess it feels hard for me that she can even think that, because it far away from my real feelings, and that makes me feel she doesn't know how I feel and so I feel alone...and the safety I felt just by knowing that she knew my feelings and what I was struggling with.Thanks for listening..
and thanks for the hug :-)
Fridathat by broaching this topic she has overstepped her boundaries? Or, are you upset because now the topic has been brought up?
>
> Can you explain a little more? I can see this is important to you and I want to understand this a little better
>
> ((Frida))
poster:Frida
thread:459270
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050211/msgs/459410.html