Posted by fallsfall on February 9, 2005, at 9:45:50
In reply to Fired pdoc, told T none of her business (long), posted by Poet on February 8, 2005, at 18:45:04
It sounds like you are determined to do this all on your own. You don't want help from your ex-pdoc, and you don't want help from your therapist. Nobody knows what is good for you, but you. Boy, can I relate!!!!!
Why do you think I've read more Psych books out of my Univ. library than most PhD candidates? Why do you think I spend hours and hours online researching things? I do it because I'm the only one I can trust to make good decisions for me.
But I *have* (just recently) gotten over this hump. It *is* possible (though I was sure it wasn't).
I think I got to a place where it was clear to me that I *DIDN"T* know what to do for myself. That, no matter how much I read, I was not going to be able to cure myself. That I was too close to the situation, and in order to get better, someone who had a more balanced view of the world (i.e. who could see beyond my blinders) needed to help me.
I've never had "trust" issues. I tell my therapists everything, but I didn't actually give them permission to tell *me* anything that I didn't agree with. I guess two things needed to happen. First I needed to have confidence in my therapist's skill. He gave that to me by demonstrating competence in small ways over the first year that I saw him. Second, I needed to accept that *I* couldn't "fix" me by myself.
Does this sound familiar to you? Are you in the same kind of situation as me? If so, then I would encourage you to work hard to trust your therapist. Do you believe that she wants only things that are for your benefit? Do you believe that she is skilled? If so, then you might try, each time you see her, to push a little bit what you tell her (and it takes *forcing*). Make a conscious decision that you will try to let her help you. If she *is* skilled, then over time you will see that those risks have payed off and you will be able to trust her more.
I guess that if you *can't* force yourself to tell her stuff, that you should be right up front about the fact that you can't do that.
It is scary to trust someone with something as important as our sanity. But, I don't know about you, but *I* haven't done such a good job by myself with my sanity as I would want so far. It is time for me to get some help. And I am finding that it is a relief to be able to do that.
If this all doesn't apply to you, then you can just ignore it all. Your post just struck a nerve with me... (and it was helpful for *me* to articulate all of this - so thanks!)
poster:fallsfall
thread:455145
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050206/msgs/455357.html