Posted by crushedout on February 4, 2005, at 13:23:20
I just had a terrible phone interaction with my new pdoc and now I hate him with all of my heart and soul. I've only seen him once so far. It was hard to convince myself to look for a pdoc because I hate seeing them so much in general. Then I did and it was a nightmare finding one I didn't hate right off the bat on the phone (or just one that would call me back for crying out loud). Then I found one I thought I liked and now he's acting like a total jerk.
I'm miserable and I feel caught in a trap. He's got me on this med, I'm having a really weird side effect, but I no longer feel comfortable talking to him because he was so mean on the phone. (Besides that, it turns out he's not available at any time I could see him, which was what precipitated our unpleasant interaction. I would not have started seeing him had I known his office hours were so restricted.)
Anyway, I don't want to start looking for another pdoc. I'd rather just steal drugs or whatever I need to do and act as my own. It seems to me that they are USELESS. They don't listen, they don't care, they're just shooting in the dark anyway. Each one of us is like an individual experiment with each new drug. Hmm, you never tried this one? OK, let's try a little bit of it and see if it kills you or makes you want to kill yourself. Then if it doesn't, we'll give you a little more. Oh, whoops, you just lost three weeks of your life to the worst depression you've ever experienced even without help? Well, you never know. Let's try another shot in the dark.
And then we have the pay them an arm and a leg for that??? And they're not even nice to us?
I can't deal. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid this drug may kill me but I'd rather die than talk to him or try to find a new one.
I told my T, "Well, if I'm still alive in a week (which is likely at least as long as it would take me to find a new one and set something up), then it's probably not going to kill me, anyway. So we can put this off indefinitely. She, unsurprisingly, wasn't happy with that plan.
Help.
poster:crushedout
thread:453182
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050129/msgs/453182.html