Posted by Dinah on January 18, 2005, at 18:29:56
In reply to Re: I think maybe.... » Dinah, posted by pegasus on January 18, 2005, at 12:35:19
> "They're not aware that we're so aware of what constitute boundary violations."
>
> I think this is a great insight and very true. It seems like most of the folks on babble can recognize a boundary violation when they're faced with one. But on the other hand, there are a lot of different ideas about what constitutes good boundaries, so I suppose that by one person's standards some things may cross, while by another person's they'd be totally fine.I've got what I call the ick factor. I think it's an unfailing guide to my personal idea to boundaries. Even if it's not something that I logically think *should* be a boundary crossing, if I feel icky about it, I suspect it is. I don't suppose I ever told the board, but once he called me at home to ask me about a doctor I had recommended. My ick factor went through the roof, though I couldn't in any way figure out why it should. He was in a bind, and he called someone who had mentioned a solution to check on the name of the doctor. What's to object to? Yet I felt icky about it. Go figure.
>
> I've never heard you mention anything from your T that sounded at all concerning regarding boundaries. The comment about having issues with dependent women seems like the worst (and if I recall correctly, you really pushed him on that issue, because you were feeling it anyway. So maybe that was something the two of you needed to discuss).Absolutely. That was one of the best boundary violations *ever*. He figured it out himself when he told me, and made the necessary corrections. And I finally no longer felt gaslighted.
> In fact, I'd say that he sounds like he has relatively strict boundaries.
>
That's certainly my impression. Such strict boundaries that I get jealous of others sometimes. It's a very professional level relationship. Goodness only knows where he thinks the boundaries *should* be, if he thinks he's crossed them enough for other therapists to comment on with me!!!(Maybe it's the phone calls. I don't just call for desparate emergencies. We've found it works better if I can call him for less than desparate emergencies. But I think he doesn't, in general, encourage phone calls.)
> pegasus
>
poster:Dinah
thread:443118
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050117/msgs/443870.html