Posted by Daisym on January 11, 2005, at 10:39:25
In reply to Re: Called T - VERY, VERY BAD, posted by Skittles on January 11, 2005, at 9:27:25
>>>>>See, now I'm even wishing I hadn't been completely honest here because everyone seems to be getting hung up on the self-harm aspect of it. Am I the only one who sees a very distinct difference between wanting death and actually being willing to cause it to happen?
<<<<I think many, many of us understand this distinction...there are days when I pray that God just "takes me out" because then it is out of my hands. I think my therapist would ask you which part wants to die and which part wants to kill off the pain. They are likely to be two separate parts of you.
I think you should talk to your therapist about this and not close her out. Perhaps you can convey to her why you needed her, not because you were actively suicidal, but because you hurt so bad you felt dying would be better than this. There *is* a difference. We actually had a session where we worked out what to say and how to say it on a message so he would know the urgency. Because I, like you, would be mortified if the police ever were called unless I was in imminent danger. On the other hand, "I feel bad tonight" never really let him know how bad either.
As far as emotional bleeding after sessions, I think there are times when the only person who can help you settle down is your therapist. Again, it totally depends on their call policy. Mine prefers that I call and touch base, even if I've seen him that day. Actually, especially if I've seen him and I can't get calm. What you said is what works: contact and checking in that things you said out loud are still OK. I have this worry that I leave and he thinks, "sheesh, she is such a baby. If she only knew what my next client is dealing with..."
Mostly I want you to know that you are not very, very bad. I'm glad you posted and I think you were very brave to reach out and call. Do NOT cancel your next session. You need to talk about this. When do you go again?
Let me know how you are. I'll be thinking about you.
Daisy
poster:Daisym
thread:440519
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050111/msgs/440613.html