Posted by gardenergirl on January 7, 2005, at 0:28:41
In reply to Re: I think I'm resisting in therapy » gardenergirl, posted by fallsfall on January 6, 2005, at 12:42:20
Well, I went. He was very gracious and concerned about me missing yesterday.
He wondered, when I said my behavior was so rude, and that's why I felt like a turd (he laughed at that), why I might want to be rude to him. I really didn't have any answers to that.
Instead, I told him about the odd dream I had while in Detroit. It was kind of a triggering dream. I was kicking my hubby while it was going on. What felt odd to me was that my emotion after this dream felt very detached and kind of numb. Usually I am much more in the moment of the emotion when I wake up, and sometimes thru at least part of the day.
He's very good about listening without priming or leading. It lead to me doing some serious crying and sobbing for a bit again. The session itself was a bit disjointed. I hopped around, and he didn't always bring me back to the dream. We did talk about a trauma when I was about 21, and family issues stuff. Heck we even talked about the tsunami for a minute or two. (I've been avoiding looking at images or reading too much about it...just take my donation and I'll close my eyes.)
I did mention that I was glad I didn't have to go back to work, which surprised him. He wondered why that would be a problem. (Duh!). But I mentioned that I always go to Starbucks after sessions, as my little treat for myself. And that sometimes I feel like I need to crawl into bed and sleep for a bit. Or do something else self-care related. Now, silly me, I thought this was healthy. But he seems concerned that maybe therapy is too intense if I can't put myself back together enough to be able to go back to work.
At the end, he said he wasn't able to put everything together into a meaningful whole like he usually can. Instead, he said he would lay out the pieces on the table, so to speak, for us to just look at. Maybe next session we can put some of them together. That's odd for him, to feel just as confused as I am.
So, intense, and meaningful session, I suppose. But draining. Very draining. But I can tell he is concerned about me, and in a weird way, that is nice. Cause I can't remember a time in my life when I wasn't depressed except maybe when I was very young. And yet it was my brother my mother had hospitalized when he was 16 for depression. Now I didn't act out, but didn't anybody notice me?
Thanks for your encouragement, falls
gg
poster:gardenergirl
thread:438373
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050105/msgs/438854.html