Posted by Camille Dumont on January 3, 2005, at 21:04:48
In reply to Facade, posted by Skittles on December 30, 2004, at 0:22:18
Skittles, you are not alone feeling like that. For years I've put up a facade and told people what they wanted to hear, did what they expected me to do and it made me feel like a fraud and empty and meaningless.
I thought that there was something wrong with me, that I was somehow defective, until I found out that I have SPD and its just the way I'm built. I need some time alone ... in fact LOTS of time alone and being with people except perhaps my boyfriend is always tough.
The holidays are horrible for this. All those parties, all that forced interaction with people you don't care about and yet that you have to be nice with because they're "family".
Frankly, even with lots of therapy I haven't been able to be true with my family and maybe thats ok ... maybe they wouldn't be able to take who I really am ... maybe it would hurt their feelings ... so instead I try to not feel guilty about putting up a facade. Its my protection, my way of dealing with things and its ok to protect yourself.
I'm also learning the fine art of training people not to bother me (phone, asking me to visit, etc.) and finding ways out of those nasty family affairs that I loathe so much. Its also ok to make vague excuses like "sorry, I have something planned" ... people don't need to know ... in fact its none of their business if what you have planned is going out or just staying in bed reading a book.
Think of yourself ... you are the most important person to you ... and if not you probably should be. Protect yourself ... find the armor that will suit you and then maybe you can find ways to accomodate the needs of others.
Sometimes its very healthy to be a bit selfish.
poster:Camille Dumont
thread:435588
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041228/msgs/437399.html