Posted by Daisym on December 29, 2004, at 21:43:49
In reply to Need vs. Want, posted by Skittles on December 29, 2004, at 18:46:15
We go through this a lot. He tells me I'm afraid of asking to get my needs met. I'm not even clear on what those needs are. But I have reached the conclusion that I NEED him, I NEED therapy and I NEED to be able to cry about all this stuff, or I won't make it through another year.
I want to make through. I want to be happy.
I don't want to want to go to therapy as much as I do. I need therapy, I just don't know if I NEED this much therapy, it is right here that I get lost in the quagmire.
My therapist keeps asking me why it isn't ok for it to "just" be a want -- why isn't it OK to want something and get it. I always reply that it feels self-indulgent and/or selfish. AND it feels dangerous. Like if someone finds out you really want this, you will have to pay a high price for it, or it will be taken away from you because you don't really need it.
Can you tell this is a HUGE issue for me?
Today he told me, "what if, therapy could be so individualized that there is no possible way for you to do it wrong, or too much, or too little? What if, it could just organically evolve and adjust to how much support or help you need any given week? You can increase or decrease your sessions, you can call or not. What if I was totally OK with doing it that way, instead of a prescribed set of sessions and phone calls per week or per month?"
I told him I always thought I did better with rules, but I with therapy I was terrified that he might change his mind and begin to set very tight limits. I need to know he was there for me. So as much as I struggle with "supposed toos" I'm glad he is so flexible for me. Yet, even with this flexibility, the boundaries remain solid and clear. I think I NEED him to be this way for me, as much as I WANT him to be this way.
But it is so very complicated and hard. He nods his head when I say that and says, "but this is the real work, isn't it?"
poster:Daisym
thread:435459
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041228/msgs/435534.html