Posted by Susan47 on December 5, 2004, at 11:35:23
In reply to Is there any point in discussing my binge spending, posted by Dinah on December 2, 2004, at 23:24:27
There's so much that's come up for you in buying this bit of Barbie stuff. Can I tell you what it sounds like, for me? (Anybody can quit reading any time I piss them off because they think I'm way off the mark; I realize I may be that. I haven't even read all the posts on this thread, and if that's irresponsible, that's the way I am)
It sounds like you love your mother so much, so so much .. and she loves you just as much. She "borrowed", in her mind, money to buy you the Barbies that she knew would provide you with something important. She recognized that the Barbies would give you a method of coping with your feelings. And I think that they did do that for you, and you went into a wonderful fantasyland that provided you with hours and hours of joy. And she may have witnessed that, and done everything she could to help you escape, because I think she knew she had a problem which was sad for everyone but she just didn't know how to deal with it. In our mother's day, women were committed quickly and not valued the way they are now, and it's a lack of their value that *caused* so many mental illnesses, that we are still coping with, as their daughters.
Your mother "borrowed" from you and your brother, in her later years, most likely because she was trying to feel better, and I'll bet she would be devastated to be approached with what she most likely feels herself was a wrong thing to do; she was helpless, at the time, to resist her wrong actions.
Look at your spending on the Barbies at this time in your life, as a forgivable necessity, and you may find it all coming together for you. You may not need to repeat your mother's grief and sadness to the same extent, in fact, it already seems like you've made it better, and the emotional and psychic grief are being diminished in your generation.
Dinah, you're such a wonderful person.
poster:Susan47
thread:423606
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041203/msgs/424695.html