Posted by gardenergirl on December 5, 2004, at 1:53:20
I just had to post that I had a good therapy week.
My T gave me some great validation, although he was desperately trying not to, as approval from others is one of my issues. But he caved (grins) and said that I was on the right track, that he was glad to see I was open to pursuing what might be really painful, and that he didn't think that was being passive. (He had said I was passive last time, which made me about as mad as the pdoc saying I was childish. A good indicator that it was the truth).
So I left therapy smiling and happy for perhaps the first time ever. And, I didn't do anything to sabotauge that good feeling or to contradict him to "prove" I was not so good. Yea me!
Then I saw the pdoc later in the week. I told her about the body experience I had during my massage, and then about the next T session when I broke down. I told her my fears, but that I was content to not chase down unremembered memories. She had the best, most comforting explanation! (She works with kids, too). Anyway, she thought it was about a 100 percent guarantee that I had a catheter during the surgeries I had as a toddler. And perhaps even when I had a serious illness and was hospitalized at age 5. Even if I didn't, inevitably, there were "strangers" cleaning me up and diapering me. Woo hoo! It was the catheter! I felt like I was walking on clouds when I left there.
Perhaps I am latching on to her explanation because I need to. But it just felt like it made so much sense, and was such a relief.
Plus, this woman, the pdoc who said I was being childish during our first session called me "tough" this time.
I feel like dancing. It's such a nice feeling, and it startled me when I recognized it. This is that feeling that begins with an "H"...two syllables...sounds like "slappy"...Oh! I remember this!
I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts. I wish this feeling for all of you.
Warmly,
gg
poster:gardenergirl
thread:424560
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041203/msgs/424560.html