Posted by Skittles on November 28, 2004, at 14:41:40
Many of you have suggested that I do it and my therapist has recently mentioned it as an option, so I'm taking this in with me tomorrow. I thought about adding the fact that I'm afraid to tell her that I spend a lot of time thinking about dying, but decided against it. Since she's suggested AD's and I refused, I feel like I've made my choice and going into this would just be whining and would put me at risk of being exactly what I've written about. What I have down is terrifying enough for guarded little me! Anyway, here it is:
“You’re too demanding. You wear people out.” That’s what my mother told me. Now I am terrified that I am and that I do. I think about it constantly in all my relationships. Am I intruding too much? Am I being a bother? My goal is to stay a hundred miles away from these invisible lines. I worry about it a lot here too. I am afraid to let you know exactly how dependent I feel on you because I don’t want to be too demanding and wear you out. I am afraid to cry too much in your office. I “leak” some because that is beyond my control, but I work very hard to keep the dam from bursting entirely. To sob would mean to risk being too demanding and wearing you out. I have a hard time calling you unless I have a very specific question to ask. Even then I worry that it’s too much and that I’ve made a mistake. There have been a handful of occasions when something happened or I had a difficult decision to make and I wanted to call, but didn’t because I was afraid it would mean I was too demanding and might wear you out.
poster:Skittles
thread:421378
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041123/msgs/421378.html