Posted by Pfinstegg on November 3, 2004, at 17:30:50
In reply to Re: What I want, What she wants » Daisym, posted by Aphrodite on November 3, 2004, at 13:58:33
I'm experiencing just the same thing that you are, Daisy. New memories of sexual abuse are suddenly coming up, and the adult me is sort of on a *back burner*. My analyst suggested asking my husband's co-operation in not having actual intercourse just now, and suggested substituting gentle foreplay only, for now. This seems to be a pretty good compromise, for the time being. I did tell my husband enough of what was coming up in therapy so that he might understand and be empathic, which he has been.
I was startled, as I almost always am, by how *separate* my girl part actually is. Before the memories could surface, little pfinstegg was repeatedly asking me if my therapist owned an axe or a gun. She did not seem to dare to ask him. I didn't know why this was happening, but I would try to reassure her that he did not, and was not the kind of man who would chop down a lot of trees, or shoot birds or animals. She just kept asking- all day long, and never seemed to be convinced. (I grew up on a farm, and my actual father was constantly chopping down trees and shooting birds, squirrels, rats, etc. He usually had a gun or an axe in his hands)
Then, this week, he said, "perhaps you were afraid that he would hurt you with his axe or gun if you told anyone."
That was like a dam breaking. Whether he actually threatened me, I don't know, but it allowed things which I have NEVER remembered before to flood into my mind. I don't want to describe them, but I know other people who have been through it know what I'm talking about. I went from intense fear,sobbing and shame to relief and peace all in one session. It had taken so much energy and anxiety to keep this out of consciousness for so long. We (my analyst and I) ended on such a close, peaceful note- we each knew we had done something really important- together.
poster:Pfinstegg
thread:410840
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041026/msgs/411252.html